The Illusion of Potential

Here’s the thing: when we fall for potential, we’re not delusional. We’re imaginative. We’re hopeful. We’re romantic in the most dangerous way—where reality takes a back seat to longing.

Falling for potential is falling in love with a possibility, not a person. You love what they could be if she chose you, if they unpacked their wounds, if they slowed down long enough to see that you were trying. If they became the person they talk about becoming at 2 AM, when the walls are low and vulnerability is leaking out like light from a cracked window.

But that version of them -the healed, consistent, intentional version—doesn’t exist yet. And maybe they never will. Perhaps they don’t want to. Possibly they don’t have to. And that’s not your fault. Or theirs.

But you? You’ve built a cathedral in their name without ever checking if they wanted to be worshipped.

Why We Do This (And How It’s About Us)

When you grow up misunderstood, unloved in the ways that matter most, you learn to survive off scraps. You make meals out of crumbs. You start seeing sparkles where there are only shards. And so when someone gives you even a little bit—a deep conversation, a shared song, a promise—they become a canvas. A mirror. A muse.

You pour your magic into them and call it mutual.

But potential is just a fantasy you wrote alone. It’s your dream in their clothes. It’s your unmet needs dressed up as chemistry.

We fall for potential because it’s safe. It allows us to stay in control. We get to decide who they are, rather than being vulnerable enough to see them for who they genuinely are. We can hold on to the ha little ope longer, stretch the stout a bit, pretend this ache is the price of something profound.

But love should not be built on future versions of someone. Love should not be an IOU.

How to Stop Falling for Potential (and Start Choosing Reality)

1. Notice how you feel when you're with them. Not when you're texting late at night. Not when you're fantasising. But in the actual moments. Are you grounded? Or are you always waiting for the version of them that makes you feel safe to show up?

2. Pay attention to their actions, not their intentions. Intentions are cheap. Promises are pretty. But how does she show up for you when things get hard? Does she hold you or disappear? Does she listen, or does she say “I understand” and keep hurting you the same way?

3. Ask yourself what you know. Strip away the daydream. Forget what she said she wants to become. Who is she now? And do you like her, truly? Or do you like what she represents, what you wish she could be?

4. Remember that you're not here to be someone’s rehab centre. You are not a bridge to someone’s growth. You are not a stepping stone to their emotional maturity. You deserve someone ready, not just someone with potential.

5. Grieve the fantasy. Because yes, you’ll have to mourn it. The person you loved didn’t exist—not entirely. But you loved them with genuine parts of you. So cry if you have to. Journal. Dance it out. Burn the letters. But let them go.

The Cure for Potential Is Presence

Fall for someone who’s here. Who chooses you on a Tuesday morning without needing a revelation? Who doesn’t require your patience to become lovable? Who is already, right now, capable of love that doesn’t hurt?

Stop waiting. Stop watering gardens for people who don’t even want to grow.

You are not hard to love. You just keep trying to be the exception to someone else’s rule.

You are not meant to be consumed by almost. You are meant to be met. Fully. Fiercely. Now.

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